We are celebrating Brent this week – he just turned 50 years old. When our birthdays roll around each year, I realize that we now have spent more birthdays together – married – than we did as singles. So, we should be more “one” than we have ever been.
And, for the most part, I feel we are…
This past Sunday, he finished up a series on marriage. Some of the things he taught over the past few weeks, I felt really good about. You know what I mean, like leaving and cleaving. If ever two people “leaved and cleaved”, we did. Just ask the grandparents who have lived as far as 2,000 miles away from grandkids for years. 🙂 We also really like each other and enjoy being together. I trust the heart of my hubby and follow him.
But there were some other things he covered in the past couple of weeks that I know need work in my life – and our marriage. I am so blessed, and very thankful, to be married to the person I consider to be my best friend. Truly my BFF. And yet we have some things to improve. One of the things we have committed to work on is intentional communication. After reading through a little pamphlet offered Sunday to couples, we are committing to make time to sit down with each other, no interruptions/distractions, look at each other face to face, and listen and share for one hour – two times a week. We always enjoy our date nights each week, but this hour will look different.
This hour is about how we feel. How we think. What we believe to be so.
One of the things we always tell young couples is that marriage must be a “safe place”. This means that marriage is the place where you can share with your spouse your real feelings and still know, without a doubt, no one will leave.
I am excited for the time we have already shared. I wish we had committed to this years ago – and not let anything snuff out that time of intentional communication, because I believe it is vital for marital health. I am so thankful that in a committed covenant partnership, we have years to grow in love. And I hope we will always be willing to learn and change when needed. In his book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller says it well:
“Marriage has the power of truth, the ability to reveal to you who you really are, with all your flaws. How wonderful that it also has the ‘power of love’ – an unmatched power to affirm you and heal you of the deepest wounds and hurts of your life.
Marriage should be a union of best friends. Friendship is above all a relationship in which it is safe to share fears, hurts, and weaknesses – an emotional refuge. Listening takes concentration. Some people are good at listening, but not opening up themselves and vice versa. Friendship love is expressed and grows through listening and opening up to each other.”
Looking forward to celebrating Brent’s 100th (if the LORD wills) with even more oneness than today, and enjoying these days of learning daily with my BFF.